Are you Brave Enough to Listen?

I am still determining where most of the world's problems lie, but if I had to take a guess, my first choice would be the breakdown of interpersonal communication.  

Ineffective communication has hampered me throughout my life, and while my intentions were often good, the way I communicated them to others fell short.  I would be willing to bet that if you consider any argument or disagreement you have had with an employer, spouse, or friend, you would find that the breakdown of interpersonal communication was likely the crux of the issue.  

Ironically, before I reevaluated this, I would have considered myself a good, if not great communicator.  I have been a successful salesperson and my ability to articulate my thoughts isn't too shabby.  With all that said, I was, and am still at times, a poor communicator.

For starters, communication is a whopping 93% non-verbal.  So whatever delusions I had about my proficiency with the English language it was only able to help me in 7% of all of my communication!  Thanks, English Degree.

Secondly, and most vitally, the primary barrier to mutual communication is our natural tendency to judge or evaluate (agree or disagree) what we hear.  For example, if after a movie, your partner was to say to you "That movie was really good".  Your primary reaction is to evaluate that statement from your point of view and agree or disagree.  When you consider this is how most of our communications go when dealing with lighthearted conversations such as movie reviews, you can only imagine how much more complex this can be when someone says something that has an emotional charge or that you have a personal attachment to.  You can see this in political discussions.  No one is listening.  We are all just waiting to judge the statement made, agree or disagree, and then retort.  This is not active listening.  It is, however, a gigantic barrier not only to communicating but to progressing as humans.

The answer to this is to view each statement and feeling from the other person's point of view.  Really examine what it feels like to him/her.  I get that this sounds pretty simple, but it is in actuality quite difficult and takes a lot of bravery to execute, and here is why...continue reading